@chelseahandler - Chelsea Handler

Snapchat: chelseahandler #1 New York Times Best Seller | LIFE WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME 🍊 iHeart Podcast every Thursday Stand-Up Comedy Tour | Tickets👇🏼

3.6M followers

703 following

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Hello Privilege. It’s me, Chelsea - coming to @Netflix September 13th.
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Hello Privilege. It’s me, Chelsea - coming to @netflix September 13th.

This is Bert’s reaction when I say the word, “journey.” #momlife
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This is Bert’s reaction when I say the word, “journey.” #momlife

Monday. You’ve got this like I’ve got my dry cleaning.
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Monday. You’ve got this like I’ve got my dry cleaning.

After I take an edible and decide to go swimming.
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After I take an edible and decide to go swimming.

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I’m coming on tour to a city near you. Tickets on sale now!  Link in bio #LifeWillBeTheDeathOfMe
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I’m coming on tour to a city near you. Tickets on sale now! Link in bio #lifewillbethedeathofme

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I messed up and thought someone said the mushrooms were in the pool.
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I messed up and thought someone said the mushrooms were in the pool.

I sit down with “Andy Barracuda” @andypuddicombe founder of meditation app @headspace for a conversation about his life, meditation, and monkhood  Click the link in bio to listen #lifewillbethedeathofme
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I sit down with “Andy Barracuda” @andypuddicombe founder of meditation app @headspace for a conversation about his life, meditation, and monkhood Click the link in bio to listen #lifewillbethedeathofme

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I’m very excited to be adding new dates for my 'Life Will Be the Death of Me' Stand-Up Tour in the US and CANADA PRESALE Tickets available using code STANDUP Thursday, August 15th @ 10am  #lifewillbethedeathofme sorry- there was a mistake in earlier post so Kansas City is in MISSOURI. Bam!
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I’m very excited to be adding new dates for my 'Life Will Be the Death of Me' Stand-Up Tour in the US and CANADA PRESALE Tickets available using code STANDUP Thursday, August 15th @ 10am #lifewillbethedeathofme sorry- there was a mistake in earlier

“Don’t you have anything better to do?”—Bert Handler #dphuehouse
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“Don’t you have anything better to do?”—Bert Handler #dphuehouse

#SavorySummerSundays
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#savorysummersundays

#sharestrong @kateupton
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#sharestrong @kateupton

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This week I sit down with Writer, Editor, and Imposter Syndrome Survivor, Courtenay Hameister (@wisenheimer_pdx) for a conversation on family, sex and my babysitting career.
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This week I sit down with Writer, Editor, and Imposter Syndrome Survivor, Courtenay Hameister (@wisenheimer_pdx ) for a conversation on family, sex and my babysitting career.

Doing my kitchen chores with my new friends who I met at a retreat for victims of gun violence. If you’re like me and want to do more, this is an organization that you can donate your time or your money to.  http://SurvivorsEmpowered.org http://survivorsempowered.org/donate  And thank you to @mindfulskatergirl for inviting  me. There’s more info in my stories. You can also donate to cover the transportation costs of Victims and Survivors of Mass Shooting/Gun Violence representing ten communities for a Trauma-Informed Mindfulness Healing Retreat, which is in my stories.
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Doing my kitchen chores with my new friends who I met at a retreat for victims of gun violence. If you’re like me and want to do more, this is an organization that you can donate your time or your money to. http://SurvivorsEmpowered.org http://survi

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#Repost @elizabethbanks
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America can ban assault weapons. We don’t have to live this way. Honor the victims of these preventable murders by getting involved (@everytown @momsdemand ) and finding leaders - whatever your party - that support #gunsense and VOTE
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#repost @elizabethbanks ・・・ America can ban assault weapons. We don’t have to live this way. Honor the victims of these preventable murders by getting involved (@everytown @momsdemand ) and finding leaders - whatever your party - that support #gunsen

I met someone. @romcaz #thewiseowl
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I met someone. @romcaz #thewiseowl

#Repost @kenziebrookshire
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This is the last paragraph of the last chapter and it really got me. This book is magic.  #lifewillbethedeathofme
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#repost @kenziebrookshire ・・・ This is the last paragraph of the last chapter and it really got me. This book is magic. #lifewillbethedeathofme

This is the look of someone who accidentally dropped her edibles in the sea, and has 3 hours left on a boat with 7 children.
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This is the look of someone who accidentally dropped her edibles in the sea, and has 3 hours left on a boat with 7 children.

New Podcast Episode - My bestie @marycmccormack reviews my dating history.  link in bio to subscribe and listen. #lifewillbethedeathofme
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New Podcast Episode - My bestie @marycmccormack reviews my dating history. link in bio to subscribe and listen. #lifewillbethedeathofme

My sisters had babies so that I never had to. #thevineyard
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My sisters had babies so that I never had to. #thevineyard

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Thank you to New Orleans for a great night in your beautiful city. I ate like a queen. Adding more stand up dates soon! #lifewillbethedeathofme
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Thank you to New Orleans for a great night in your beautiful city. I ate like a queen. Adding more stand up dates soon! #lifewillbethedeathofme

Thank you, Nashville! I ducking love your city and I Love the Ryman. See you tonight, NEW ORLEANS!
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On stage photograph by  Steve Lowry/Ryman Archives
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Thank you, Nashville! I ducking love your city and I Love the Ryman. See you tonight, NEW ORLEANS! - On stage photograph by Steve Lowry/Ryman Archives

Brandon and i have arrived on Nashville. #nashville. See everyone tonight at the #rymanauditorium #lifewillbethedeathofme
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Brandon and i have arrived on Nashville. #nashville . See everyone tonight at the #rymanauditorium #lifewillbethedeathofme

This week's episode is a special on the U.S. Border and how each of us can help. I sat down to record this episode this week with advocates Shannon Camacho, and Archana Sahgal, to discuss what is actually happening at the U.S. Border and how to help. Episode 10 of #lifewillbethedeathofme Link to listen and subscribe in bio.
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This week's episode is a special on the U.S. Border and how each of us can help. I sat down to record this episode this week with advocates Shannon Camacho, and Archana Sahgal, to discuss what is actually happening at the U.S. Border and how to help.

Brandon, once again, is mind fucking me in order to gain control over my mind.
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Brandon, once again, is mind fucking me in order to gain control over my mind.

Happy birthday to my favorite road companion. Today is your 36th bday and we have been together for many years and have traveled from Indianapolis, Cleveland, Clearwater, Hawaii, to New Zealand, New Delhi, and Moscow. I left the pictures off from Moscow, because you almost passed away there. You have been by my side unflinchingly since you started interning on chelsea lately, and even though most of the things we do are related to me, it is me who is now walking by your side, because you have lead the way for me for so many years. You are a golden girl. True to her word. The world is lucky to have you, and everyone you choose to have in your life (short list) is lucky to have been chosen by you. Happy birthday, bitch.
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Happy birthday to my favorite road companion. Today is your 36th bday and we have been together for many years and have traveled from Indianapolis, Cleveland, Clearwater, Hawaii, to New Zealand, New Delhi, and Moscow. I left the pictures off from Mos

Greetings from Uganda! Thank you @twejaka for sending. This made my day. @nyakaschool
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Greetings from Uganda! Thank you @twejaka for sending. This made my day. @nyakaschool

I've started a new group on Facebook stemming from my book Life Will Be the Death of Me. Sisters supporting sisters, bro’s welcome too. My own therapy and your messages taught me I am not alone in this and neither are you. I encourage anyone seeking support from others to join. I also hope each person that joins works to put out their hand for someone else. Let's do this together. #THEORANGEROOM #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME
Request to join (Link in Bio)
http://bit.ly/THEORANGEROOM
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I've started a new group on Facebook stemming from my book "Life Will Be the Death of Me". Sisters supporting sisters, bro’s welcome too. My own therapy and your messages taught me I am not alone in this and neither are you. I encourage anyone seekin

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This is what my dating game looks like. It’s the same as it’s been since the 2nd grade. #lifewillbethedeathofme
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This is what my dating game looks like. It’s the same as it’s been since the 2nd grade. #lifewillbethedeathofme

This is my lion king. And the King of Bel Air. #lionking
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This is my lion king. And the King of Bel Air. #lionking

Rides up the coast with #bert.
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Rides up the coast with #bert .

Episode 9 of my podcast is with Natasha Lyonne. We talk all about children and not wanting them, white privilege, and Cannabis. Link in Bio to listen. #lifewillbethedeathofme @nlyonne
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Episode 9 of my podcast is with Natasha Lyonne. We talk all about children and not wanting them, white privilege, and Cannabis. Link in Bio to listen. #lifewillbethedeathofme @nlyonne

When mama kidnaps my dogs and they prefer it. #bertandbernice
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When mama kidnaps my dogs and they prefer it. #bertandbernice

This is what I will be doing this Fall – I’m coming back to AUSTRALIA and NEW ZEALAND for Life Will be the Death of Me. Swipe right for all international shows this Fall. Adding new markets and dates soon. Link in bio for tickets. #brisbane #sydney #melbourne #auckland
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This is what I will be doing this Fall – I’m coming back to AUSTRALIA and NEW ZEALAND for Life Will be the Death of Me. Swipe right for all international shows this Fall. Adding new markets and dates soon. Link in bio for tickets. #brisbane #sydney #

#repost @excellentwords
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#repost @excellentwords

About to start my period.
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About to start my period.

#calzoneanyone?
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#calzoneanyone ?

MINNEAPOLIS, thank you for last night! Such a fun show with great people in an awesome city. I love you guys. And you too, St. Louis  #lifewillbethedeathofme
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MINNEAPOLIS, thank you for last night! Such a fun show with great people in an awesome city. I love you guys. And you too, St. Louis #lifewillbethedeathofme

Thank you, St. Louis. I love you. See you tonight, Minneapolis. Also, this last photo is my driver and I in St. Louis, best driver here, ask for Al! @jed_limousine  #lifewillbethedeathofme   @jasongonulsen
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Thank you, St. Louis. I love you. See you tonight, Minneapolis. Also, this last photo is my driver and I in St. Louis, best driver here, ask for Al! @jed_limousine #lifewillbethedeathofme @jasongonulsen

#repost @motherjonesmag
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Drawing on their experiences visiting a border facility in Clint, Texas last week, four Democratic congresswomen delivered powerful testimony at a hearing about the mistreatment of migrants at the United States’ southern border.⁠⠀
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The four women—Reps. @ocasio2018 (D-N.Y.), @repayannapressley (D-Mass.), Veronica Escobar (D-Texas), and @rashidatlaib (D-Mich.)—argued for an end to the detainment of migrants at Friday’s House Oversight and Reform Committee hearing.⁠⠀
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“This is a manufactured crisis because there is no need for us to do this,” Ocasio-Cortez said during her testimony. “There’s no need for us to overcrowd and to detain and to under-resource. There is no need for us to arrest innocent people and treat them no differently than criminals when they are pursuing their basic human rights.”⁠⠀
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Pressley spoke passionately about the women she saw sitting on the concrete floor at the Clint border facility.⁠⠀
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“After everything these women have endured—fleeing violence, deep poverty, sexual violence, domestic abuse—they arrive at the crest of this nation only to be torn apart from their babies and thrown in cages for seeking asylum, a legal right, a human right,” she said. “And in spite of all of that, they believe so fiercely in the promise of this nation.”
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#repost @motherjonesmag ・・・ Drawing on their experiences visiting a border facility in Clint, Texas last week, four Democratic congresswomen delivered powerful testimony at a hearing about the mistreatment of migrants at the United States’ southern b

This is called a Whoopsie doodle! #repost @crazybitchprobs_ #frenchbulldogs
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This is called a Whoopsie doodle! #repost @crazybitchprobs_ #frenchbulldogs

I think it’s weird to post professional photos of your dogs, so here. #bernice @jackjunk @dphue you can get your hair colored while they photograph your dog.
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I think it’s weird to post professional photos of your dogs, so here. #bernice @jackjunk @dphue you can get your hair colored while they photograph your dog.

Episode 8 of my podcast is out. Discussing fitness with the three who think they know the most in the game, @benbrunotraining, Bernice, and Brandon. Listen and Subscribe, Link in bio. #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME
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Episode 8 of my podcast is out. Discussing fitness with the three who think they know the most in the game, @benbrunotraining , Bernice, and Brandon. Listen and Subscribe, Link in bio. #lifewillbethedeathofme

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